The Tale of Princess Croissant
Allow me to weave you a tale
Of masculinity so very frail
Tis a telling that will surely haunt
The cautionary tale of Princess Croissant
Our two main characters, fresh from breakups each
For a dating app they both did reach
They swiped left, and sometimes right,
Until ping! A match! What delight!
Some time was spent in texting and flirting
And soon our optimistic heroine ventured a meeting
A date was set, coffee was brewed,
His boy band looks really set the mood
But alas and misery!
You’re great, he said, but I’m not sure of the chemistry
Well, our heroine was somewhat taken by surprise
There was chemistry galore to her eyes
Nothing ventured, nothing gained:
At their next meeting, her intentions were made plain
Huzzah! he cried,
All talk of chemistry pushed aside
A marvellous evening was had by all,
Two, three times — even four
But alack and alarm!
The next message leaves our heroine undone
You’re great, again he stated
But surely — sex is sacred,
and I begin to rather regret that we dated
Our heroine is momentarily confused
Her calendar shows the year 2020, not 1902
So, she asked, because after three dates you don’t see marriage in your mind
That spells an end to the fun of bump and grind?
Yes, he said, though there are parts of you I’d like to keep
So now a friendship I do seek
Uh, that ship has already sailed, mate
On this point I won’t deliberate
I’m not a buffet, and you can’t just choose
which parts to keep and which to lose
I’m an entire person, not a hobby
And frankly, you’re making me feel pretty shoddy
I’m good enough for you to fuck,
but a relationship? All out of luck
I don’t exist to fluff up your ego,
And to me sexual shaming is a serious no-no
So farewell, and cheers for the craic
However, I will not be coming back
Such sadness I feel, he sighed
I wish we’d met at another time
Our heroine rolled her eyes
Boy, bye! she chimed
Our tale begins to draw to a close,
But some final truths I have to show
When someone tells you who they are, you should believe them
And waste no time on trying to reason
No one should make you feel less
For knowing that you want and enjoy sex
There is never shame in knowing what you want
Instead there is power, and remove it they can’t
You exist for more than pleasing others
And your pleasure is a great thing to discover
Remember this story for times when a partner is concerned only with their wants
And proudly say “Not today, you Princess Croissant!”
